Why it matters
Deciding to tell someone about being neurodivergent can be a big step. People often worry about being judged, being treated differently, having their competence questioned, or being gossiped about on a small ship where everyone knows everyone.
How you respond in the first few minutes can shape whether they feel safe at work for the rest of the trip, and whether they tell anyone else.
How to respond
Do
- ”Thanks for telling me."
- "What should I know?"
- "Is there anything that would help?"
- "I’ll keep this between us unless you say otherwise.”
- Listening more than you talk
- Carrying on as normal
Don't
- ”You don’t look autistic."
- "But you seem so normal."
- "Everyone’s a bit ADHD these days."
- "I’m a bit dyslexic too."
- "Are you sure? Who diagnosed you?”
- Explaining their condition to them
If you’re not sure what to say, “Thanks for telling me. Is there anything I can do to help?” is almost always right.
Keep it confidential
What someone tells you about their health or neurodivergence is theirs to share. Don’t pass it on to anyone else, including other crewmates or officers, unless they’ve asked you to, or there’s a genuine safety concern you can’t resolve with them first.
If you’re not sure, ask: “Is it OK if I mention this to the Chief Officer so we can sort out the watch rota?”
If you’re their manager or a senior officer
If you’re responsible for the person, there may be practical things to do:
Ask what would help
Ask what, if anything, would make work easier, now and in the future. They may not know yet, and that's fine.
Agree next steps
Agree any adjustments, who will put them in place, and by when.
Record it, with consent
Write down what you've agreed so it doesn't depend on memory, and so it can follow them, with their permission, if they change ship or manager.
Respect their wishes
Agree who else needs to know, and what they'll be told.
Review
Check in regularly to see how things are going.
See our guides to reasonable adjustments and managing neurodivergent staff.
If you get it wrong
Everyone says the wrong thing sometimes. If you realise you have, a simple apology and a willingness to learn goes a long way: “Sorry, that came out wrong. I’d like to understand better.”